And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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