She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
