There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
