from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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