fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
