R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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