can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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