Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
