you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
