i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
