I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
