If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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