I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone came in the potted fern
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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