Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
