He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Send help, water and tortillas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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