her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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