just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
