It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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