i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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