Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
