Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize