does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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