i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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