I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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