when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
