I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
