you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
