If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
