that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
