i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
