fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
whose parrot is this?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
