I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
