White coat. Heels.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
