I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
