Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
