GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
