so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
