don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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