I need to stop coming to work sober
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
