Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
