Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
