They should really pass out barf bags in church
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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