dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
