the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
