so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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