Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
