singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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