I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
