i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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