Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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