her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
