the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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