From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
