CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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